Jousting With Humility

I am smarter, faster. I am more insightful, more knowledgeable. I am able to grasp things completely, quickly, process and calculate consequences from every perspective. I'm in school. I'm good at school. It's too slow, I'm bored. I'm high functioning. Too high. I think I'm great, superior, loving, supportive, beautiful. I say that I need some humility. Like queen Guinevere said to the boasting knight Lancelot, "Have you jousted with humility lately?" There is a tall beautiful woman. His first suggestion is to hang out near her, I will feel humble because she will attract things I cannot attract. But I didn't feel humble. I felt that I could see the age-old game play out. How men tried to get close to her. I enjoyed looking at her myself. I felt no humility, just satisfaction that I had clarity, insight on the situation with her. OK. Try doing something you're not good at with someone who's very good at it. Maybe basketball. I did not really do it, only imagined. When I imagined, I did not feel humble, only in awe at the skill of my partner, amazed at my luck, the opportunity to learn from this person. I also felt that I would improve my skills very quickly and earn approval. Then I realized it. I'm using paradigm framing to distance myself from humility, looking at any situation in a way that avoids humility. I will stop this and seek opportunities for humility. Try to frame towards that. Two days later it hits me like a hammer. It is not comparison and competition with others that will make me feel inadequate, humble. It is comparison of myself with my own standards. The big gap between what I am with what I could be if only I tried harder, put in more effort, weren't as lazy, was more self-motivated, did yoga every day. It is the difference between me and my potential that makes me very, very humble.