The surprising purpose of mean, untrue statements

My lover and I have agreed that I will ask him to sit on the couch beside
me - moving from his easy chair - to meet my need for touch, affection and
closeness. This is going pretty well, and one day I ask "would you be
willing to come sit beside me" and he says "no". He is seemingly amused,
entertained. I am quiet, mainly trying to breathe my way through this,
pretty sure it is not true. Then he reverses himself and comes to sit
beside me. The mean statement was untrue.

A lot of times, it is called "kidding" or "joking". Something I didn't
understand. What on earth could be the purpose of mean, untrue statements?
Why would someone who is supposed to be my friend or lover say mean untrue
things to me, and how on earth could that be amusing? Why would he want to
hurt me? I was really confused and could only chalk it up to some cultural
difference. I had learned that it was not really intended to harm or
criticize me, even though on the surface that seemed to be the goal. It
was a mystery I lived with, until yesterday.

Yesterday I was reading Marshall Rosenberg's book "Nonviolent
Communication" and he uses words to make certain distinctions. In this
case he explained that when someone makes a demand, you can't really tell
that they are making a demand unless you see how they act when you do not
comply. If they blame or punish you, then it was a demand. If they
understand why you can't comply, it was simply a request and the person
does care about your needs, too, as well as their own. But if a person is
trying to get information about how you would have treated them had they
not done what you wished, you might kid them, or joke with them, just to
get the information about how they would respond - just to find out whether
they are going to respond by getting upset and blaming or punishing you or
whether they would respond by understanding. All of a sudden, the mean
untrue statements were imbued with a stunning, useful purpose.

My lover is checking how I would react if he did not comply. He is gaining
important information about how I care for his needs compared to how I care
for my own needs. I no longer have to resort to some mysterious cultural
explanation. One more mystery is gone.