Perhaps I have waited too long to tell you
about entropy.
We were in the canoe going down the river
my children and I
entropy became the subject
I realized the earth was like a big thrift store
recycling energy from the sun
into organized things
plants, birds, me.
My son said that life forms are a local exception to
entropy, but in the long run, they just accelerate it
with waste products and what all. He said that in 5000
years (he says "we" have calculated this) the universe
will start contracting and everything will have to get
more and more organized to eventually fit into a point
of mass. What will life be like then? How will the
reverse of the entropy direction impact evolution?
Perhaps life forms will be local pockets of
disorganization, I theorize.
Entropy talks to me again in a book I skim called
"Flow: The Psychology of Optimal Experience". It
seems that people who flow manufacture meaning out of
random events to give their own lives meaning. I do
this, but am strangely unsatisfied, because it seems
to be a sham. If I am just creating this meaning just
for me, is it really meaningful meaning?
I begin to see myself as a plant, setting on leaves,
each new idea, each meaningful interpretation of
random outside events is a new green leaf. Plants are
local exceptions to entropy.
Then I talk to the girl who is majoring in buddhism.
she tells me that she took a whole semester class on
nothingness. But she still can't tell me what it is.
This seems reasonable. She tells me that it is
attachment that is to be avoided, in fact that in our
identities there is nothing essential. WHAT? I spend
my whole life involved with discovering my evolving
identity and it isn't essential? Could I be wasting
my life? The entropy crisis is now upon me.
Although I full well realize that the entropy crisis
is one of these leaves, my way of defining this
feeling, of organizing the events in my life into a
theme. Drats! Perhaps all the leaves I set on, all
my ideas, all my interpretations are only imaginary
footholds dug in the side of the existential void.
And the existential void is all there is. And I have
spent my life trying to avoid it. Which is a dumb
idea if that's all there is, I should embrace it.
Castles in the sky, all my plans, all the connections
I build in my mind. Nothing. They are just for me.
I once defined intelligence as the ability to
generate connections between seemingly unrelated
things. But if they are unrelated and I am generating
connections, then I am perhaps an idiot. My mother
says intelligence is just for us to enjoy, like
masturbation. Well, if this creation of meaning is
like masturbation, I am not against it. I consult
others about the entropy crisis and they assure me
that my meaning creations affect other people. But
that does not reassure me. I don't care about anyone
else, only me. Is my life, my effort, my thinking
pointless? If it is for my enjoyment only, then my
enjoyment is the only point. Why do I think a point
is required? Is it because I was raised in the
western civilization mindset? Is the requirement for
a point the problem? On the other hand, my enjoyment
is the ultimate goal I seek. I enjoy the new leaves.
Perhaps that is enough. Back to the basic question:
is there an objective reality?
One night in the throes of this identity crisis, I
myself, a local exception to entropy, realize that I
am going to fight, I am going to try my darndest to
keep my body and mind organized as long as possible.
Keep my liver separate from my kidneys, blood cells,
keep my skin intact. I stomp up the stairs determined
to fight to stay organized.
I tell you I will whisper in your ear. The sound
waves are a local exception to entropy, but I know you
want them. I realize we all desire local exceptions
to entropy.
This morning as I headed to the bathroom, I decided
that I would make my local exception to entropy so big
it would suck you in. Yes! I will make it so
spacious, beautiful, you will want to come in here
WITH ME! I will build a big reality for both of us,
for all of us. I realize the Sears Tower is a local
exception to entropy, a big reality many people share.
The FAA, where I work is such a structure. We want
it. We are busy building big things to make big local
exceptions to reality where we can all be together, no
one wants to be alone with created meaning. We want
everyone in here with us.
And just now I realize that this might be the
universal mind or the whole, or even the void. A
reality so big we would all share it.
In any case I am busy telling you all this to make
my local exception to entropy public so you can come
in here with me. Welcome.