what do you want, Celeste?
well, I don't understand the question
I don't want anything.
I have very few desires.
no, Celeste, you must participate,
you must contribute to decision-making.
you must find your preferences.
but I have been looking all my life
through identity crisis after identity crisis
it is always about who I am
lately I think I am like a plate of something
I can't see what
because I am covered by a metal plate
or two, that completely cover any desires I might have
you are the plates
people whose needs I pay attention to are the plates
I have no needs myself
or I cannot see them
tonight I realized it's like covers
if I feel like one blanket, yours,
doesn't cover me, I will pull another blanket over the
uncovered part.
I will dial your phone number, closing the
window shade, keeping myself hidden in here, somewhere.

I will find you so I don't have to be alone to find
myself.
I remember seeing my mother-in-law, herself obviously
completely lost, irretrievable.
I hoped to avoid that fate, but have I?
my daughter points out it is impossible to please
someone who has no desires.
I cannot allow you to please me.
because I would have to want something first.
or can my identity exist without desire
like I learned in the silence of breakfast at retreat
in the dance
my identity can and does exist without explaining,
without wanting.
I have a problem with the existence of self?
I think she said something like that.
Urvashi, that may be an understatement!