Promises. I notice that I have a resistance to
promises. Maybe because twice I promised something I
ended up not being able to complete, normally known as
marriage and divorce. So I'm wary of promises. But I
notice that people are prone to make wild promises,
even me. I want to promise the future. I want to say
"I will always be here for you" or "I will always take
care of you". I am making a lot of promises to
myself, and I know they're lies when I make them. I
will not abuse you, I say to my body. I will not eat
things that make me feel bad, I will not keep you
folded up. I will dance every day. I know I'm lying,
but I spontaneously desire to make these crazy
promises. Other people promise me the future, and I
know it's a lie. Leyla promises to send me pictures
from the retreat. Aaron promises to send me recipes.
They mean it at the time. I take it in just that
spirit, never really expecting the fruition. That's
how I can avoid disappointment. That's what I've come
to understand. Promises are a spontaneous expression
of how someone feels at the time. Yes, at the time
the person feels as if they want the situation to go
on forever. Forever might be the life of the
relationship or the life of the feeling. So I will no
longer resist promises or criticize people for making
promises they can't keep. I will understand and
appreciate that the promise is the person telling me
how they are feeling right now.